I just looked at my last post and saw all this positive energy and excitement that Summer had finally arrived and here I am writing again and its nearly winter.
I really don't feel like explaining much but I have had a pretty terrible summer and autumn was...rough. We lost my Grandmother to Lung Cancer (she was not a smoker) 6 weeks after she was diagnosed. One day healthy, next day a cough. We thought it was something simple like bronchitis, then suddenly next thing you know she's being admitted to the hospital and learning it is stage 4 cancer. Nothing in this world prepares you for that. Nothing in this world prepares you for what you and your family will go through. I wish there was a course, or a lesson somewhere to take to teach you how to be a supportive daughter and grand daughter. Some book or hand-out that said something about how to give your Grandmother her painkillers when you know she needs them but she refuses because she doesn't like feeling like she's not in control. Or some book that told me how to help my own mom say good bye to her mommy. Because maybe if there was some book, some...hand out that gave me all the information I needed I wouldn't feel so horrible. Yes I know, there is bereavement literature out there and there is grief counseling. I know that and I know I said all the right things and I know....I was there and I helped in all the way s I could before my grandmothers passing and after. However it doesn't FEEL that way. I'm still grieving and I'm still mad...but it is nothing in comparison to what my own Mom feels.
At any rate...I went way further in detail than I had intended. But, that's my excuse for lack of blogging, lack of videos and whatever else I've failed to do these last few months. Here's praying winter treats me and my family much better.
Thanksgiving is around the corner and we're still sorting out where we are celebrating. I'm thankful for my family and all the blessings we do have ...but this will be hard celebrating with out her.
I wish this post could have been more positive but it is what it is. Everything has a season. We have our ups and we have our downs. I'm hopeful for the ups. With every storm comes a rainbow. Bring on the unicorns!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
PS I am officially 63 days tobacco free.
I really don't feel like explaining much but I have had a pretty terrible summer and autumn was...rough. We lost my Grandmother to Lung Cancer (she was not a smoker) 6 weeks after she was diagnosed. One day healthy, next day a cough. We thought it was something simple like bronchitis, then suddenly next thing you know she's being admitted to the hospital and learning it is stage 4 cancer. Nothing in this world prepares you for that. Nothing in this world prepares you for what you and your family will go through. I wish there was a course, or a lesson somewhere to take to teach you how to be a supportive daughter and grand daughter. Some book or hand-out that said something about how to give your Grandmother her painkillers when you know she needs them but she refuses because she doesn't like feeling like she's not in control. Or some book that told me how to help my own mom say good bye to her mommy. Because maybe if there was some book, some...hand out that gave me all the information I needed I wouldn't feel so horrible. Yes I know, there is bereavement literature out there and there is grief counseling. I know that and I know I said all the right things and I know....I was there and I helped in all the way s I could before my grandmothers passing and after. However it doesn't FEEL that way. I'm still grieving and I'm still mad...but it is nothing in comparison to what my own Mom feels.
At any rate...I went way further in detail than I had intended. But, that's my excuse for lack of blogging, lack of videos and whatever else I've failed to do these last few months. Here's praying winter treats me and my family much better.
Thanksgiving is around the corner and we're still sorting out where we are celebrating. I'm thankful for my family and all the blessings we do have ...but this will be hard celebrating with out her.
I wish this post could have been more positive but it is what it is. Everything has a season. We have our ups and we have our downs. I'm hopeful for the ups. With every storm comes a rainbow. Bring on the unicorns!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
PS I am officially 63 days tobacco free.
